Friday, May 1, 2009


Consider this a bit of a birth plan. As Noelle lies there, sleeping through the pre-labor contractions, I am looking for something I can do to help. So I'll share with y'allthe things we would like to request of you, our friends and family.

First - if you visit us at the hospital and see our son, do not publish any picture of him. We'd like to introduce him to the world, and we're very particular with our pictures - just ask our wedding photographer or my sister.

Second - we like y'all, but we're not looking or feeling our best. Don't be upset if we ask you not to visit right now. Eventually, you will probably dread us visiting you with our son and his sticky fingers.

Third - don't come in smelling like Popeye's. Noelle misses it too much, and has decided a bucket of chicken might just be her push present. (A lot of these I have to make up since she is passed out.)

Fourth - if you do anything to bring to mind the Jack in the Box commercial with the Mini-Sirloin Burger song, you might lose a finger. It's been stuck in my head for days, and it went from being silly annoying to brain destroying.

Fifth - when we name our son, your reaction should be "that's perfect!" No "Ewww, I don't know..." nor "That was what it took you ten months to come up with?" nor "But the kids will call him something or other..." It took us a long time to name our dog, but we came up with the beautiful name of Schulenberg. We're hoping lightning strikes twice for us on this.

Sixth - don't assume we know the name and are keeping it quiet. We really are considering just keeping it Tator Tot. There's some argument as to whether or not it should be Tater or Tator.

Seventh - some details should not be discussed publicly. While there are all sorts of details about the pregnancy that are fascinating, disturbing, or gross, we'd rather not have those details discussed about us online.

You've been warned, and expect more. I'm doing my part until I can finally have my wife claw my arm in pain like I've been expecting.


The Kemps said...

I LOVE your writing, Rob! I vote for Tator. ;) Love you!

Bethany said...

Do I need to send you my "rules for visitation" that I forced Dave to post when I had V? Basically, you're already on a good roll. Additional suggestions:

- Don't ask about X (name most annoying topic of convo that you don't want brought up during the time you're celebrating the birth of your child).

We'll see you guys when you give us the go ahead.

Let me know if you're OK with me setting up a care calendar for people to bring you guys food once you're back home - I promise, you'll love it...and it will save you from getting 15 casseroles on day one...and nothing on day 15, when you need it.

The Kemps said...

Wow Missy - you are on top of it! I can't send a cassrole, but I WILL bring food once I can come fly down! I am soooooo wishing I could come RIGHT now. Stupid work. In another state. :(

Chris said...

Regarding your first request, I am looking forward to sharing photos of my nephew. I won't publish any of your photos of your son though.

Rob MacGregor said...

Watch it, Chris.

I've had a few sheepish people worry about the details not to be discussed - just any specifics about progression of a certain area or side effects of labor. It's weird having those discussed, when usually it's so off-limits.

Also - let's just not mention swine flu. We're not worried about it - just tired of it.