Son, you're four weeks old today, which means almost a month, which means you've been alive almost 1/387th the amount of time I have, or 1/365th the amount of time your mother has. That blows my mind. You're a twelfth of the way to being a year old.
Okay, enough math. Jackson, you are already better than anything on TV, even when you are sleeping. You are already strong enough and stubborn enough to make changing your shirts a two person job. You are already more important to me than an entire graduating class of seniors, who will walk across the stage tomorrow without me reading their names. You are already taking in the world with your blueish-greyish-purpleish eyes, which dart around and around but always land on the pictures in Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See. You are already who our departing friends miss the most, and who little girls hope their new little brothers will be like. You are already lifting your head a little during tummy time, so we can stop awkwardly passing you around with the one hand always at the back of your head. You are already capable of making me cry with laughter due to your facial expressions, particularly when we suspect you are pooping. You are already producing enough methane gas to melt the polar ice caps. And, son, you have already given us the power to humiliate you for life.
Today, when I was changing your diaper, I turned around to put my ring on the dresser, as it was one of those changings. When I turned back around, you were peeing
I took the bullet for you and stopped the stream, but the look on your wet face said it all - how did this happen? What have I done? What you did, son, was give your dad free license to bring this up forever.
So whenever you decide to act cool in your teen years, and you want to sag your pants or wear your baseball hat askew or shave a goatee with a lightning bolt onto your face, just remember -
you peed in your own face one time.
Whenever you decide that Mom and Dad don't know what they're talking about, that you don't need to study because you know all you need to know, or that all your parents are doing is holding you back, just remember -
you peed in your own face one time.
I always swore that I would not be a parent who used the phrase, "Because I said so." Now I don't have to be. Why can't you see that movie? Because, once, you peed in your own face.
But son, don't think that your moment today will really ruin you. We all have those embarrassing moments from the past. Mine involve the pantless puppet show, the time I thought nobody would notice if I peed on the diving block at a swim meet, and the time Uncle Chris and I were obsessed with Michael Jackson.
We all get past those little mistakes and learn from them. Eventually we learn to laugh at ourselves (and our children), and it makes life easier. I hope I don't make it too difficult for you by being delighted in each of your steps and comedic missteps, but it's just so exciting to see each little mistake that will help you become a man eventually.
You're four weeks old, Jackson, and you've already made memories we will lovingly recall forever. We love you so much.
I love it! Instead of "because I said so", you'll use "because you peed on yourself". I'm cracking up! (The video is hilarious too.)
How on earth did Dad record that without hysterical laughter in the background??? Seriously?? Later on, you can probably add poop in the bathtub too!
We need more info on this "pantless puppet show." Pronto.
That is the best video ever. Chris is very serious about his MJ lip singing.
This entry MADE MY DAY!
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